Have I not beaten my depression when I thought I did?

Hey CB, for having been through all that, you sound pretty strong. You are acting fake to others because it's a safe way to protect yourself. I disagree with your thinking that you're no longer depressed or anxious because sometimes we get so full of all the bad stuff that our bodies shut down and we feel nothing at all. You explained yourself very well, and your description screams depression. On top of that, your body chemicals are all messed up anyway at your age. This may sound like a dumb answer, but trust me. Find and talk to an adult whom you like and trust and tell him/her what's really going on w/you. Much as you can try, it's really tough to work out stuff like this by yourself. You need to get hooked up with someone who can help you.